Client-Focused Therapy: Same Old, Same New

Helping others to help themselves: I love it!

Several times clients have said to me: “I bet it’s quite a challenge to keep track of which user’s story is which. Especially since we’re all the same, with the same story just told a little differently...” I always laugh and agree to a certain extent, but then reassure my client, that they are just as special and just as unique as everyone else. Since I both teach and practice client-focused treatment; the approach that I choose to use with each client will vary more according to their needs rather than my style, which is best described as process focused and eclectic. Being asked this has spurred me on to put together the following typical composite email that I receive.

An email from an addict who sort of wants help

Hi, my name is Lisa or Joe, and I am a 2-month to 20-year addict. I know that I am screwed up and want a better life. I messed up the important “growing up time” and/or learning how to live a good clean and sober life. I have pissed away the good years and/or my teen years. People told me this would happen, but I had to see for myself. Seeing for myself has taken too long, or been a quick trip to hell. Now I have to learn about reality and about almost everything else that is “boring”. I am a wasted human who has done nothing with his or her life except dig a hole and waste time & space and love… So is this all that I have to pass along to my current or future children? My legacy is as a drug user? I know that I cannot keep this up much longer. Everyone knows you stop at some point or die, so I am asking for your help, and will tell you “I will do whatever it takes…” Can you send me a “free brochure” or your complete program (anything that does not cost me money or require my effort) and any other drug info treatment/blah blah blah. I know the ad on the webpage says to make a donation or become a member, but I just do not have the (non-drug allocated) money at the moment. Plus, I really do not want to have to admit that I am a drug addict. I am so tired and worn out today. Do you think I will ever be drug free? Because you know, I have to do what I have to do to keep working and functioning until I find a way out of here....

Here is my response

Hi I am an addictions counselor. Yes, I am the person who can “help you to help yourself” get off drugs and alcohol, or deal with other addictions too. Sorry, but there is no special trick, magic formula, or miracle pill. For the most part it is going to take a lot of hard work, being honest with yourself, and having a good look at your life, where you are now and where you would like to be. It is learning to taking back that control that you have so “easily” given over to your addiction or unhealthy behaviors, and learning to do things the slow steady way instead of satisfying your immediate desire to feel good or escape the emotional pain you may be feeling inside. Above all it is learning to think about the consequences of your addiction and choosing to find a different way to satisfy your needs. It is making a decision on a daily basis to do “the right thing” – even when it “feels so wrong”. It means living with and accepting cravings and unpleasant feelings, knowing that in time they will pass, and you will be able to one day wake up and feel good again. Being in recovery is both the process of reclaiming the things in your life you have lost because of your addiction, and discovery which is attaining the goals and dreams you had so long ago given up as you gave in to your addiction. Lastly it is learning to feel good about your self and rebuild your self-esteem. It is learning to be at peace with who you are, and accepting all that you have done and been through in your life. It is knowing that “All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial.” It is knowing that you can follow your addiction to the grave, but that you have made a decision to focus on living a full and complete life, and using what you have learned to help others too...

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