A Non-Judgmental Approach to Counseling

How do you stay non-judgmental when you are so scared for the person?

I know it is hard, not to “want to confront” someone in your life when you find out that they are abusing alcohol or drugs. However, if you find that in the past, “This approach has not worked so well.” you might want to try a non-judgmental approach.

Starting a conversation.

Part of the challenge to you, will be to figure out what to say to the person—that they will be “willing to hear”, and often the best way to start a conversation is to let them know you are “willing to listen.” It might seem a bit deceptive at first, but at least try to be non-judgmental.

Non-judgmental Questions: Just try to understand their perspective.

Perhaps, let them know that you know they are using, and you want to try to understand—“Why?” (What are their motivations for wanting to use?) Ask the drug user—“Why they like the drug?” (Are they wanting to fit-in with friends, to alter their emotional state, to be able to escape mentally, or perhaps to mask deep pain, or personal shame.) “How does it make them feel?” (How does using help them to feel different?) “How does it compare to other drugs?” (Why this particular drug? Because it is available, or because of the specific effects of the drug itself.)

The goal—Is to try to get the addict talking about “their experiences of using”, and the reasons “why they choose to use.” Are the reasons they began using (such as for fun), the same as the reasons that they keep using (if they do not use they get sick)?

Let the user talk about their “personal” negative consequences.

Most addict think they know a lot more about all the effects and consequences of substance use than they really do. What they do know is how the drug affects them personally. However, some of the longer-term effects and about addiction and recovery—may be a complete mystery to them. This LACK of knowledge can work to your advantage - just as long as you stay non-judgmental.

Keep asking questions, because sooner or later the truth will come out and the person will start telling about all the BAD things they have experienced. At this point they might be somewhat willing to listen to what you have to say and read some of the educational information you just happen to have with you. (You can pick up pamphlets or download and print off a variety of documents from the website.)

A Matter of Choice.

Ultimately it is the person’s choice to keep using or get help, but a lot of users just do not feel very good about themselves. When we feel good about ourselves - we make good choices—When we feel bad about ourselves  - we make bad choices. So just letting the person know that you care and that “they are worth it” can help them to make good and healthy decisions to change their life. She deserves to live a good life not being controlled by a drug.

Just knowing that help is available…

Just knowing that help is available… and that people care can often make that Life–Changing difference that can help a person break free of their addiction.

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