Sexual Addiction

What is Sexual Addiction?

Sexuality is a natural part of who we are and spans the biological, psychological, social, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of our lives. It deeply influences our relationship with our own self, such as how we feel about ourselves as men or women and as a person and our relationships with others such as friendship intimacy or love. Sexual activity is a part of our sexuality and an outward expression of our sexuality. It can give us not only physical pleasure, but also emotional satisfaction and spiritual connectedness. However, it can be a pitfall in our lives and lead us to Sexual Addiction.

What does it look like?

Sexual addiction can be defined as persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior acted out despite increasing negative consequences to self or others.

Just like other types of addiction, such as alcohol, drugs, or gambling, sexual addiction can harm all parts of yourself including your emotional, psychological, physical, social, financial, and spiritual being.

What are warning signs of Sexual Addiction Behaviors?

Addictive sexual behaviors may include:

• Compulsive masturbation,

• Multiple affairs,

• Consistent use of pornography,

• Unsafe sex,

• Sexual anorexia,

• Anonymous partners,

• Phone sex,

• Cyber sex,

• Buying prostitution,

• Doing prostitution.

What are Potential Harms of Sexual Addiction?

Negative consequences of addictive sexual behaviors may include:

• Relationship problems, especially in marriage,

• Sexual problems, unable to become aroused with other than specific stimulation,

• Financial problems,

• Health problems, such as HIV or other STDs,

• Legal problems,

• Emotional problems, a cycle of feeling better and ashamed,

• Spiritual problems - a lost connection.

How does Sexual Addiction develop?

Like other addictions, sexual addiction does not develop in one day. It grows from a small step and eventually consumes yourself.

This society is flooded with information on sexuality, both good and bad. You see a lot of sexual materials on TV, in movies and in magazines every day. However, most of the images and content is designed just to catch your attention for the purposes of advertising by showing a distorted image of sexuality.

Whether it is distorted or not, sexual activity releases our stress. Many agree that having sex is the best sleeping pill. However, if you use sexual activity as a main method to release your stress, you are at a big risk to become a sexual addict.

Cycles of Sexual Addiction:

1. Using sexual material to feel better (about anything).

2. Using sexual material to escape, avoid or delay facing negative consequences, emotional, relational, financial or spiritual problems.

3. Using sexual material to deal with the stress from the negative consequences of the other problems in your life.

4. Using sexual material as a way to deal with rejection, fear of failure, or as the safe way to relieve pressure.

When this cycle is complete, sexual activity becomes a habit.

In continuing this cycle, negative consequences become more serious and to make it worse people develop tolerance towards sexual activities and need more to feel better. As a result people with sexual addiction spend more time, money, and energy to seek out a sexual activity and might even lead them to commit a sexual crime such as: exhibitionism, voyeurism, child pornography, date rape, stranger rape, child abuse, stalking, or sexual harassment.

Characteristics of Sexual Addiction:

• Use of sexual thoughts and behaviors as primary coping methods,

• Harmful consequences to self or others due to sexual behavior,

• Lack of emotional intimacy,

• Preoccupation with sex and sexual fantasy,

• Progression to more out-of-control behaviors as tolerance increases,

• Periods of control of strict abstinence,

• Control of behavior while continuing sexual obsession,

• Mood shifts around sexual acting out, such as anger, fear, guilt, and remorse,

• Depression and/or suicidal ideation,

• A hierarchy of acting-out-behavior, such as affairs, masturbation, or seduction.

Comparing Addictive and Healthy Sexuality

Addictive Sexuality Feels shameful, Is illicit, stolen or exploitative, Compromises values, Draws on fears or excitement, Re-enacts childhood abuses, Disconnects from oneself, Creates a world of delusions, Is self-destructive and dangerous, Uses conquest or power, Is seductive, Serves to medicate and kill pain, Is dishonest, Becomes routine, has rigid rules, Has secretive double life, Is grim and joyless, Demands perfection, Is driven, or compulsive, Is a way to get something, Has No Boundaries.

Healthy Sexuality Enhances self-respect, Has no victims, is shared and open, Deepens meaning, Uses vulnerability for excitement, Cultivates sense of being an adult, Further sense of self, Expands reality, Relies on safety, Is mutual and intimate, Takes responsibility for needs, Brings legitimate feeling, Originates in integrity, Presents challenges, always changing, Integrates most authentic parts of self, Is fun and playful, Accepts the imperfect, Has freedom and choice, Is always as act of self-love, Recognizes limits.