Recovery Road Map - Member's section Crystal Meth Recovery Information Site Map

Tweaking, Geeking or Teching... Happy Bug (Just wasting time)

Dr. of LeisureReally this is just a fun section with a few jokes, cartoons, and a miscellaneous assortment of stuff for when you are bored or need to put a smile on your face.


Chill PillMillions are drawn to crystal meth because of its promise of endless energy, no need to eat or sleep, just super focus, productivity and euphoria. Crystal meth does not discriminate - it lies to everyone - white collar professionals, students, the working class, the skid row bum and everybody in between. Imagine a euphoric flood, a complete body orgasm, infinite energy, the most boring of tasks becomes a riveting experience, even house-cleaning. So, what do you do when you have time to waste?


Addiction Riddle

The goal that you seek you can obtain.

The answer to this riddle is the solution to pain.

It is always with you though just out of sight.

When you _ _ _ _ _ the journey your life will be right.

(scroll down for answer)

You can lead a tweaker to reality,

but you cannot stop them from spinning!


Jokes about Crystal Meth Use - (even people who are addicted need a good laugh)

Clock EyesCue Ball

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey wired on meth. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey is totally spun and starts jumping all around the place. The monkey then grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table---whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He eats everything in sight when he's tweaking, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, and then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts tweaking and begins to run around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replies the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his ass, pulled them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me", replied the guy.

"He still eats everything in sight when he is wired, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he measures everything first."


Apologize to get out of jail

HandcuffsJail Time

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for using meth and appeared in court on Friday in front of the Judge. The Judge said: "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court on Monday."

Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "What did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."

"17 people? That's wonderful! What did you tell them?"

"I used a diagram, Your Honor. I drew two circles like this: O o .. and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable!" said the Judge. To the second boy the judge said, "And you, how did you do?"

"Well, Your Honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"156 people! That's amazing!! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar approach. I drew two circles... o O ... and said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison....."


FootprintsRun Rabbit Run

One fine day mister rabbit goes running around the forest. He sees a giraffe rolling a joint. "Giraffe, giraffe! Why do you do drugs? Come run with me instead." So the giraffe stops rolling his joint and runs with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing lines. Says the rabbit: "Elephant elephant. Why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead." So the elephant stops snorting and goes running with the rabbit and giraffe.

Then they come across a lion preparing a syringe. "Lion, lion!" cries the rabbit, "Why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead." The lion with a mighty roar bashes the rabbit to smithereens.

"No!" cried the giraffe and the elephant. "Why did you do that? All he was trying to do was to help you to stop using drugs!"

"Damn rabbit always makes me run around the forest when he's on speed!" the lion replies.

What's the moral to the story?

Know the difference between getting help and being distracted. Sometime a distraction can help in the short term.

The giraffe wanted to be able to see better; and the elephant wanted to be able to go further; however, even a fast rabbit is no match for a cranked up lion.

Only you yourself can truly stop your own drug use!


Jump - No parachute

Jump

A Stoner, a Schroomer and a Tweaker are standing on the roof of a skyscraper, talking to God.

They believe that God is telling them that they have the power to become whatever they want to be, as long as they say it while jumping off the building.

The Stoner yells "Eagle," and jumps off. He becomes a powerful eagle and soars into the sunset.

The Schroomer yells "Butterfly" and jumps off. He becomes a beautiful butterfly and gracefully flutters away.

The Tweaker jumps off, but he's so strung out he forgets to yell what he wants to be.

Halfway down already, he realizes this and yells "Oh, SHIT!"


Sech Rules

One liners...

Letter QWhat's the difference between a crack-head and a jib-tech (crystal-freak)?

Letter AA crack-head will steal steal your stash when you aren't looking; and a jib-tech will steal your stash and then come back to help you look for it! (tweaking & geeking)


Letter QWhy do crystal-users like to "do it" doggie style?

Letter ASo, they can both look out the window at the same time. (paranoid)


Letter QWhy won't they let Tweakers into the Olympics?

Letter ABecause they won't pass the Torch!


Letter QHow many Tweakers does it take to change a light bulb?

Letter AOne, and a Quarter.


Letter QWhat do you call someone who's been up for two weeks straight?

Letter AA two-weeker?


Letter QWhat do call a room full of tweakers?

Letter AA full set of teeth.


Click here to download a printable version of the Jokes page.

(Answer to Addictions Riddle: V A L U E)

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