It will take some time...
It all started when I had just turned 14. I meet some guys and they were smoking ICE and I joined in. Then I asked if you could snort it and I did as soon as it went up my nose I fell in love with it. It made me feel like I wasn't in my shell anymore. I wasn't shy on it or anything then it became a regular thing for me. I would do crystal like 5 times a week at first. Then I really got into it to the point where I would stay up for 4 days in a row high.
As soon as I started to come down, I would snort more. No sleep. No food. I got so skinny I dropped 26 lbs in 3 months. I looked horrible because before that I was already a size 0. My face looked so different my cheeks were sucked in my lips were purple my eyes were wide open and sunken in. I would have meth sores all over, on my face, back, chest, arms, legs, stomach everything.
I once got so fucked up on crystal, I took 2 knives and sat in front of a mirror and tried to squeeze a black head out it turned out to be a birth mark. I cut my skin out. My fingernails were full of blood from me biting them down to the end. By this time I started f*king guys for dope and I became a tweaker whore at 14 yrs old. Everyday I would take the city bus to school. Every time I got on the bus people stared at me like I had three heads. I looked so horrible people had pity on me and would get up and say here you can have my seat.
At school one time, I was sitting at lunch and a teacher came up to me with real concern and said "Oh my God, are you okay do you need to see the nurse?" and I said "No, I'm fine." and she quickly walked away embarrassed. Then another time, a teacher kept asking me "Why I had lost so much weight." He kept commenting on it. When I would get home, I would cry and then get high.
Then I realized I needed to quite. Long story short. A man on the city bus said "I hope you make it through baby it'll take some time." I cried and ran off the bus. I wrote it down in my notebook those words helped me so much. I wish I could go back and thank that man because every time I felt like getting high or thought I'm already a tweaker what the hell. I would think about "It'll take some time..." because it does it takes a lot of time, but it's wroth it. Trust me. I finally quit. I told all my friends to go f*ck themselves. I don't have any now, but I don't a give a shit.
I have been clean for 8 months now. I am studying for my GED and hope to get back into school. I never even got to finish the eight grade because of crystal, but I hope to go back. No matter how far down the line you think you are, there's hope and just remember things take a lot of time, but it's worth the effort. I hope this story helps you or inspires you to at least try to quit, because life is good - if you make it that way. God bless you! I wish you the best!
Tweaker Whore, Las Vegas, NV, USA.
A Tweaker knows a Tweaker
Hi, I’m 18 years old and have been fighting an addiction for about 2 years now. I've been clean for only about a week now and as great as that is, it's just as scary. I see so much of it around, maybe not directly, but a tweeker knows a tweeker from a mile away. I never realized until now, that meth is used by so many, and many are teens. Here's a little poem I wrote and it kind of hits people more my age.
Realization:
Like a tender kiss,
I place this pipe to my lips.
Slowly I twirl it,
anxiously awaiting my hit.
I watch the rock liquefy;
patiently I inhale and begin my high.
My veins bulge with satisfaction,
damn I like my mind, my heart, and my whole body's reaction.
I feel so relaxed yet I have such a boost of energy I can’t stop even if I tried. Yup that’s the best high till you crash so hard you cried.
It makes you wonder if you should just take another rip or stay clean,
but not sure because you feel sick now that you're starting to fiend.
Without it you start to sweat and shake,
not knowing how much more you can take.
Fuck it one hit wont hurt,
only this time you've found yourself lying in dirt.
Digging down a little deeper,
and coming to the realization you've become a little weaker.
You know what you have to do,
but doubt yourself because that’s not what you are used to.
Life full of family, friends, school, dreams, and hope,
is what we all want again but that's the world we take advantage
of just because we wanted that one last bowl of dope.
Princess Tawnya, Maui, HI, USA.
It is up to YOU to get help - I did.
I am a 19-year-old girl and yes I used meth. I was in foster homes on and off my whole life. They finally placed me in a permanent one because my mother was a dope fiend. She was constantly having mood swings as I was growing up and would flip out at least once a week. My Dad was an attorney so they were in two different worlds. There was constantly fighting. By the time I hit high school, I got a boyfriend and moved out. I started selling bud and parting a lot during freshman year. Before I knew it, I had tried cocaine. That lasted for 2 months and then I moved up to bigger and better things. I found dope.
That was when it all started. I left my boyfriend for this new home girl that I had met and she introduced me to the dope scene. She was only 13 although she told us all she was 16. We believed her because she had a car. It was stolen, although we didn't know that either. She and I lived together from house to house while she slept with everyone possible. Before I know it I had been raped and lost my virginity that way. I had quit high school and turned my back on anyone that had any importance to me before I found dope. So this life style went on for 2.5 years constantly fighting, getting arrested and just all around loosing my mind. I started shooting up and then life just went even more down hill.
It all had started because the guy I was dating shot up and I was trying to get him to quit. I was the one everyone couldn't understand because I wanted more for everyone and would try to help everyone else but couldn't help myself. I would try to quit but couldn't stay off it for more than 3 days throughout the entire 3 years. Finally I walked in on that same best fried having sex with that same boyfriend and it was the 3-year anniversary of my brother’s murder. So I literally walked to the trolley, went to a 10-day rehab program in downtown San Diego, and haven't turned back to that life. That was April 1.
I have been clean ever since and do still sometimes have the cravings for meth, but I know that I have come to far to step back again. I feel that that day something just clicked inside of me and just turned my head away from that lifestyle. I now have finally achieved my high school diploma, gotten my license and completed a trade school called Job Corps. I lost myself and who I am for a drug, I will never be the same person and it is the hardest thing to deal with, but there is always hope in a recovering addicts heart. So for anyone that reads this please know that there is help out there and it is up to you and only you to find it. I did at 18. Don't wait until it is too late. Carolanne, Lakeside, California, USA.
One More Time...
Hi, I was 14 had lots of friends did great in school my parents adored me. I would just say I had an awesome life. Yeah, I drank a little bit, but it was all in having fun. One night when I was a little tipsy and my cousin introduced me to this guy. He was a few years older than us, and I thought he was so cool.
I think it was the second he pulled out the gack and asked if I wanted a line, and I said "yes" - that's when I lost my mind. The moment you tell yourself "It's only one time, I won't get addicted", that's when the lies start to flow. We all know, we said it; and look at us now. Probably still lying to ourselves, saying well, and “One more time won't hurt, just one more time."
But why do we find ourselves one month later thinking of every possible way to get money so we can get high just one more time. Then a couple months later, steeling and smuggling shit to see if we can make a trade to gacked out, just this one last time. A while after that, you find your self hanging out with people you’d never thought you’d hang out with, or like just to get high just a couple more times. Sleeping with older guys with the promise to get high forgetting all your morals and the way you were brought up. Not having a care in the world because you are too worried about when and where you are going to get your next tweak from.
I can go on forever about all the horrible things we have to live with now for the rest of our lives. Things that we did, or things that happened and an all the hearts you've broken. All the people who cared about you the most. Who you have lied to and let down. Just one more time, yeah right! The whole thing is based on the biggest lie you told yourself in the beginning. "It's only one time, I can't get addicted. I'm not addicted or am I?" Oh by the way, I am now seventeen and have been using steady since that first day. Don't worry about me, because I am just going to get high - one more time - tonight, and then I am going to quit... Jo Jo, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada.
My life has been a Living Hell
Hi, I don't really remember everything because my mom's been doing it all my life, but I do remember A LOT. When I was 9 we lived in Bartow with my mom's boyfriend in some hellhole trailer. They would stay up for days. I always wondered why I saw shit all over the house. Now that I know what the things are that I always saw lying around the house, it just freaks me out SO BAD to know that my mom actually did that shit.
Well, she got worse and worse everyday and then she got taken one day by the cops. They just went into my house and yanked her up, put cuffs on her and she was gone. She went to jail for about a couple months. I lived with my Grandma and Grandpa in plant city. My mom would write me everyday saying how she was never going to touch the shit again and for a while, I actually believed her. I guess when you're in that position, where you have nobody and you're all alone you believe whatever you want to hear and what you wish could actually be real. So did I, and when she got out guess where we ended up? Right back out in Bartow with the same boyfriend. This time it got even worse. He beat her up all the time. Sometimes, we would leave for a night or two, but she would take us right back to him.
We eventually moved into a house. I was finally happy. I thought we were going to live like a normal family, but the same shit remained. They fought, he beat her every day. They argued over meth and that was about it. I was like a ghost to them, and no one knew how I felt, and I never told her.
After maybe about a year my mom got in a fight with this lady over DOPE and the lady threatened to burn our house down because my mom whooped her ass. They ignored the threat because they didn't think she had enough balls to do so. However, about a month after that everything changed. I was at my mom’s friend's house because that's where I lived most of the time. My mom and her boyfriend weren't together anymore and he was on his way home one night probably from one of his chicken head friend’s houses. He saw flames through the trees on the next street from the house, and when he got to our house, it was IN FLAMES. He called my mom and my mom raced out to where we lived. I BEGGED to go but she said no. I mean, I should have been there too you know? It was my home too.
Well my mom called me from her cell when she got out there. She told me that all of our stuff was gone including the house. My dog was in the house also. She said he must have gone into the house looking for me while the house was burning and the floor fell in. The firefighters were able to save him and I got to see him because after our house burnt down we put an old motor home on the property. He only lived for a while, and then he died because of his lungs. The smoke in the house got in his lungs and he couldn't breathe much longer. So he died about a month after the fire.
After that my mom and her boyfriend got back together and everything remained the same. The beating, the drugs, the loneliness, and the pain. She was a fiend, she had to have it - EVERY SECOND. She was always angry, yelled a lot and always had a bad attitude. My sister has always felt left out because she's never been there when my mom was on the dope. My mom abandoned her because of her boyfriend. However, my sister has a dad that she lived with. I don't so that's why I lived with my mom, and that’s why my life has been a living hell.
Well anyways, we lived back out in Bartow after our house burning down for a year. Once my mom went to rehab for 6 months, but she still did crank after the rehab for a while. We eventually moved to New Port Richey and were fine. Our lives are now much better without the DRUGS. My cousin (Megan) is now on it, and I just don’t know what to do. She says she WILL NOT QUIT. She just won't and I feel sorry for her, but then I don't because its all her fault not mine and not anyone else's either. She see's what it has done to her dad (my uncle Geno) who is a crystal meth user till this day, and my other cousin Nick (Megan’s brother). Anonymous.
I can Stop Whenever I Want To
Well where to start? The first time I did dope or meth was when I was 13. I was walking down the street and some guy picked me up. We went back to his house and we smoked it out of a glass pipe. That night was the craziest night of my life. My Dad is a drug abuser also and about 6 months before I first tried it my Dad was up in Maple Valley cooking it in the basement of our house.
I used to say - I would never do it. I think everyone who has done it said it before. Now I am still using, and I am only 15 years old. I have been to treatment once and I relapsed the day I got out with my mother. I am 15 and I have had sex with a 50 year old when I was high. No one knows what it's like. When I was 14, I had a 37-year-old boyfriend who made meth. He cooked it and would have pounds on the counter. Just yesterday morning, I smoked dope with my best friend. I am not addicted though, thank God, because I can stop whenever I want to. Robyn M., Tacoma, WA, USA.
I am a Tweaker
Crystal Methamphetamine is the worst drug to touch, the worst drug to put down. Hi, here I am to tell you a little story. I am 15 years old and still using. I remember the exact day that I used. I smoked dope, on April 12. That is the day I was arrested in down town Seattle for supposedly dealing crack cocaine. Even though I was only 13 years old, they took me to the adult jail!
Then after that, everything started to go down hill. I started to be sexually active and having sex with way older guys, and even thought I only liked older guys. Just yesterday I used, and today that is my drug of choice, but I don't do it all the time. I also smoke weed and drink alcohol. I usually just smoke crank very rarely like today. I had not used for six months, and now I am coming down and I don't want to use again. You see I am a tweeker that is not addicted - Yeah. Laurie A. WA, USA.
Try Being 13
Hey what's up, my name is Jessica I'm 13. My parents have been using meth since I was two years old. All I remember is when I was 9. My Dad never came and saw me. I had to baby sit my two baby brothers and I was only 9 at the time. When I was 12, I was taken out of school by cops who said that I was going to live in a group home - well foster shelter. My brothers, sisters, and I were spilt up.
My grandma finally found my Dad; but he was cooking and selling. My grandparents became my foster parents. I hated it. I missed my family. Then in the summer, I just left and went to live with my Mom and her ex husband; who were still living together.
I remember fights every night, and something in the kitchen burning almost every night. My mom was usually in the bathroom looked inside. My Mom would just leave in the middle of the night with her ex's and go on a binge for days, even weeks at a time. My brothers and sisters and I had nothing to eat, only water and sometimes there was cheese in the refrigerator, but you can't live on cheese.
So in October, the kids got taken away again. I was sent to a foster shelter again. They found my Dad again, and I went to live with him. Oh my god, that was a terrible mistake! I never saw him in the month I lived there. All I saw was his drug buds. I hated it. It felt like my Dad's best friend was my Dad and his girl friend was my Mom. So when people asked me who my parents are; I said I don't have any - mine died from meth overdose. Sometimes I wished that they did, to get away from this horrible drug.
Then in January my so-called father got burnt. He was cooking it and it exploded, he grabbed it like a dumb ass and he fell on it. He was in the hospital for at least a month. He had 3rd degree burns all over his body they said he might not heal. I was thinking great my Dad is Freddy k. But for my birthday - I got my Dad taken to jail. Then he got out on thanksgiving but he had to go straight to rehab.
My Mom went to rehab for a couple of months. She had us living with her then she decided to shot up once more. We got taken away for a third time. All I said to her was "you're a meth whore." Then walked away. So she got kicked out of that program. She went to another rehab. Got kicked out of that one again. Then they let her back and she is doing a little bit better. She's going to get me on the weekends and I guess I hope everything will work out. Don't think I don't love my parents. I mean I do, but try being a 13 year old raising your brothers and sisters. Jessica - Charleston, WV, USA.
Fearing for Uncle
Hi, my name is Kristina and I am 14 right now and writing about my uncle his name is Brian. I have seen and heard of the effects of drugs many times in my life before this but until I experienced it drugs were just an ok they are bad for you kind of thing. Anyway my uncle has been doing crystal meth off and on and we have had many accidents he lives in California and we are in Kansas so we could not help him much but by the words of wisdom. My grandmother tries hard to take care of him but can only do so much. We are scared to death for him because of our numerous calls that he's missing, high, on a rampage, or homeless we fear one of these calls will be a call of hysterics that he’s dead.
We have all tried talking to him. I love him very much and pray every night for him, but now because everyone has quit and forced him on his own. I can't bear the thought of him dead. So I have decided to start my own project and want to thank all of you for your stories, because they are going to be one of the big parts in my project and hopefully help him live a longer life and be able to live on his own with a family and friends who love him. So thank you, thank you, for everything and I will pray for all of you. You all know how I feel and hopefully on that I can save my uncle. Thank you again. Kristina.
My Special Eating Disorder
I've been using crystal, glass, and shit, whatever you want to call it for about 6 months on and off. I used to go a month or 2 without using. Now, just in the past 3 weeks I've been using just about everyday. It's weird cause my friend (who I started with) and I think we're so smart; we researched all the effects so we knew what we were getting into. I see the pictures on this site and on others and I think to myself "That will never be me. I'm not like those people. But in a way I am. I mean I'm from a good family, I do well in school, I'm not an outcast, and I'm even really involved in my church. Besides a few friends no one knows my secret. I remember always saying I'd never do meth. That it was dirty and gross and here I am doing it. I feel like I lead a completely double life sometimes. The saddest part is that I see what it's doing to the boy I'm in love with. He was one of the first people I told I had tried meth and he sat me down and we had a long talk. I remember the things he said so clearly, all the bad effects and how he didn't want that for me.
Well, turns out three months later he started doing it too. I just saw him recently and he has lost so much weight. He's not the same person I first fell for. I miss that guy, not the ghost of him that's here. Worst of all after having my heart ripped out by seeing him, and just feeling down, I resorted to doing it again. I know I'll quit. I have to. I'm just scared of how hard it'll be for me. I guess the weight loss really has me hooked on it. It's like a weight loss aid. A friend of mine thinks it's my special type of eating disorder, but I don't know... and I don't understand why I still continue to use considering all I've experienced and gone through. I guess it's blinded me... Don't start. Don't be me. Christina, Santa Fe Springs, California, USA.
Clean for 50 days
I am 16 and have been into meth since I was 12. I just recently choose to stop. At first I couldn't because drugs is all I know. I have done everything there is. I have never had an overdose. I have been to inpatient rehab 3 times in the past 2 years. I am also in foster care. I have been in the system for 2 almost 3 years. I will be in foster care until I am 18. I have seen things that no one should have to see.
I have seen people killed, had someone I didn't even know die in my arms and it was over a drug deal. I have been through shit that no one should go through. My uncle raped me. I was sold for drugs by some of my family. I have survived a lot for my age. I just want to let people know that you don't have to live your life under the power of drugs. I am still struggling with my addictions. I have been clean for 50 days. I don't remember a lot of things that I did while using. I want to help people. I pray for those still suffering and struggling with addiction. I hope that by sharing my experiences that I have helped someone. I would like to hear from others and to know if I helped someone. Kayla, Salina, Kansas, United States.
It was two Years ago...
It was only two years ago that I got introduced to crystal meth. I was using constantly for 6 months, and then one day I found out I was pregnant. I made the choice to stop, not for me, not for MY health; but for that of the baby I was going to have.
No one around me knew I had a problem with drugs. When I decided to keep the baby, it was hard because I had constant thoughts of doing it running through my head. I also had constant mood swings every minute that I blamed on being pregnant rather than drug withdrawal. Somehow I did it (stayed stopped).
I don’t know how, but I did. I went to church every day. I prayed that I would have a normal baby that would be smart. I went back to school, so I could graduate and give my child everything.
It worked. I had my child. I had a baby boy. I'm happy. He was 9 pounds and healthy. There were no problems, nothing at all, and I don't even think about doing crystal now.
I think about school and my baby. I don't regret doing it, because I learned from it. I changed for the better, but I wish that I could go back and realize what I was doing at the time. Nicki, Burnaby, BC, Canada.
Story Updated
Hi, I am now 16, and I am in grade 11. I'm doing great in school, and I am on the honor roll for the first time in my life and it feels great. My baby is almost 9 months old. He is happy and I am happy. I admire that you are helping people with their problems and I would love for you to add my story. Nicki.
I tried ICE once
I'm 16 years old and have tried ice once. I am not going to blame it on peer pressure cause that's not an excuse. But at first the feeling of it was great, but as the days went on of no sleep for 4 days and feeling like bugs are crawling all over me and seeing crazy stuff from sleep deprivation killed me. I saw dancing giants and crazy ass shit. I was scared. I hated this feeling it was like being on a bad trip. So I decided never to do it again. My best friend still had the urge to do it; pretty soon you couldn't call her my best friend. She lied to me all the time about stupid stuff, she was hanging out with a new "cooler" crowd. A crowd that everyone in it did ice. I knew she was doing it and I never once stepped in to tell her that it was wrong and to stop. About 2 months ago she overdosed and almost died. The thought of ever even losing her killed me. Our friendship has never been the same. She sought out help but didn't really want it. She promised on our friendship that she'd never do it again. I found out some heartbreaking news last night. She hasn't quit and she's been lying to me about it. I guess I didn't mean as much to her as she means to me. Ice ruins everything. Please think about that when you read this. Gigi, Georgia.
I used to just Smoke Weed
Well to start off I'm 17 years old and been doing crystal meth for about 2 months now. At first I would always just smoke weed. I was a usual pothead getting high almost everyday. I knew this guy from school I usually would go kick it with him to go smoke in his room. Well he had a sister, which he would take us to her house to go smoke weed. After a while we kept going to her house and that’s when I eventually found out she smoked crystal. I didn’t know really know what crystal really was at that time I would see other people in my classes smashing up crystals with their ids and then snorting it so I guess that was it. Well I tried crystal with my homie I don't know why but I did a line. It burnt the shit out of my nose.
Weeks came by and we started hanging out with my homies sister a lot. It ended up that we started smoking (shit) that’s what she calls it like all the time we were with her. All our friends would get money to buy 20 sacks of shit all the time. Well we would smoke it most have the time get all wired and shit. At first we started doing it 2-3 times a weeks for like the first month. After that it would be almost everyday busting all nighters when we had school the next day or others had work. It was fun. I mean it still is fun ha-ha because I still do it.
The problems I get at home though is that once I come home from school I stay out till like 1 in the morning and come home to sleep for a couple of hours. Well my dad got so tired of it that he took my keys away and he locks me out of my room. Before it was never like this. My mom cries because I'm getting too skinny and she thinks I'm going to get sick or something. Does it seem like I'm an addict or is my life messing up already and I don't even see it. I don’t know. Thanks for reading and reply if you have anything to help me out with thanks. Joel, California, USA.
Clean for Nine Months
My name is Jessica. I am 17 years old and have been sober/clean for 9 months. I started smoking pot my 8th grade summer. It was great; to lie under the bright blue sky and blaze a blunt, completely mellow feeling. Although I loved pot, I immensely disliked drugs. I lived in a small town where people got bored and did hard-core drugs. Those people disgusted me. I started high school in 9th grade. I watched kids all around me experiment with meth and ruin their lives.
I never understood why someone would willingly kill them selves like that. I hated tweakers. I got in this fight with a tweaker during a camping trip with friends at the end of 9th grade. I told him he was stupid for chasing Tina and who the hell continues to do something like that. Out of Compulsion and stubbornness I grabbed his glass pipe and hit it. I hit it hard. That first hit was like I had just been born. I was smarter than everyone else, funnier, and I had experience. I hated myself more or regretted anything like I regret that night.
Before I started smoking I was a tall bombshell blonde hair, green-eyed teenager. I had been in dance since I was three. I was gorgeous. Two months after that first hit, and "daily doubles" (which turned into hourly doubles). I became the sickliest looking thing ever. I dropped 50 lbs to a weight of 99 pounds. I am 5'9. I looked like I was about to break. My hair fell out from lack of nutrients. I had hair people would KILL for and it's all gone and gross now. On one of the few days I went to school I freaked out during gym. While playing tennis I saw all these people running around me and little dots everywhere. I thought my classmates where trying to kill me with tennis balls. I disappeared with a cook for a month after that.
My mom is a minister. I was a good kid. I had a good life. I messed my life up. Not alone mind you. My dragon of happiness and dagger of hell was always beside me. I hate tweakers...and I became the most tweaked out person you could ever imagine. I'm so sorry. To everyone. To people who are addicted to meth, to the people who live in communities where other people do meth, to first time users who just DON'T KNOW. Meth is the anti-Christ. Meth KILLS in every possible way. "I'll be loving you always. With a love that’s true oh always" *SPUN* (Billy Corgan) (spun *best damned movie ever*) misty green and blue love to love to love you. Jessica, Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA.
Feeling like No one
I am 15 years old. The first time I tried meth was when I was 14. When I hear about it, it is like I have to have it. When I am spun I feel like I can take on the world. When I come down it is like I am no one. I start to hate life and I don't want to do anything.
The last time I did it with a very good friend and she was up for 5 days just smoking we were at a friends house and asked him what he thought about dope and he said he hates the shit and if we do it don't talk to him. We were hoping that he would say he did it because we had some and were smoking all night and wanted more. W e were waiting for him to go to sleep so we could go to the bathroom and smoke it. My friend fell a sleep while we were waiting for him to go to sleep. I tried to wake her up, but she wouldn't. I got a little scared that maybe she wouldn't wake up but eventually she did and she went crazy. She was so out of it she thought crystals were coming out of her pores and her tongue because she got soars on he tongue she wouldn't stop picking at her face for anything.
I always hated meth growing up my whole family did it, and they would steal cars and rob stores and go to jail. My dad has been in and out of jail and now is in prison all of his offences have been related to meth. I hated the shit. One day my cousin pulled a sack out and I cried all night because of it; but one day I just did it and now it is like I need it. I now might be pregnant and haven’t done it for about a month. I am just hoping I won't go back. Ashley, Brigham, Utah, United States.
All Gacked Out
Hi, my name's Julie, and I am 17, almost 18. I've been tweaking since I was 13. I was dating this guy who was about 19 or 20, and he got me gacked out for the very first time. Little did I know how controlling Crystal Meth was, if you do crystal meth once, you could be risking the rest of your life. I went home that night with no idea that my life was never going to be the same. I went from tweaking one night a week (only on the weekends), to tweaking for the whole weekend, and pretty soon I was tweaking every day of the week. I started using meth for FUN.
That’s all I wanted was to have fun. And I don't even know how it happened, but after only a short period of time, it turned into something a lot more serious than "having fun." I was addicted at the age of 14. From the ages of 14-17, everything is a blur. So much happened, and it was all because I was in love with the pipe. I ran away, lived on the streets, and got totally wrapped up in the dope game. I lost most of my friends: Either because they quit talking to me because I was a tweaker, or I lost them because they lost themselves somewhere in a sack. I was scandalous, a typical tweaker. It's funny. My “friends” and me robbed each other, talked mad shit about each other, and yet, we were still BEST FRIENDS!! I was lost. My whole world revolved around one thing: MS. CRYSTAL METHAMPHETAMINE!
That was my girl. I hurt everyone around me, but I didn't care, even though I knew that deep in my heart, these people I was hurting, was everyone that I loved. I ditched everything and everyone. So I could go get spun. I lived to be high... even though I was rapidly going down. But that didn't faze me cause I was never by myself. I took people down with me... I thought it was funny to turn people out on meth. I'd meet some chick, we'd start chilling, and I'd get her hooked on the shit too. I was a cracked out bitch. This time, last year, I went down hard. Finally my parents through my ass in rehab. Which I was in for about 5 months. I graduated drug rehab last June...but rehab and counseling didn't do me any good. Because here I am, still tweaking.
Not as bad as I was before, but I feel like I'm headed in that direction again. I'm scared. Crystal Meth is a bitch...She's my worst enemy, but she's also my good friend. I'm only 17, this is not right. I shouldn't be tweaking right now, I should be out at the mall or something. But I stumbled across this web site today with my girl Val, and it raised my spirits a little bit because I then realized that people everywhere are going through this same shit. We are all better than this. Not one of us deserves this. I know that most of the time, I feel like everything is hopeless. But it's not. All of us that are addicted to the devil's pipe can pull through and we'll all come out shining in the end. Just keep your head up. =) Julie.
I am still a Tweaker
I was a happy little girl up to age 12. My life felt perfect. I got every thing I wanted. I knew my mom wasn't my real mom and neither was my dad. They were really my aunt and uncle. I lived with them since I was 3 months. I found out my mom was a drug addict and she left me with my aunt and uncle, and my brother and 2 little sister still lived with my real mom. I started thinking about why she left me and why she didn't come back for me. Still till this day I don't know. I talked to here about it and she said she always wanted to come for me but my aunt would never let her take me because the way she was.
Anyway, my aunt let me keep smoking weed when she found out I was a stoner. I then started crushing pills and snorting them just to know how it felt. I was so depressed thinking about my life. I was treated like shit at school. I was going to turn 13.
One day, I went to a party and people were smoking bowls of meth and I wanted to try it so bad. They passed it to me because they thought I did it. When I got the pipe, I asked them to light it for me. They said spin it. After that I never thought about my life and just went with my friend every day to smoke meth.
We were having fun, or so I thought at the time. Every day smoking grams and only being only 12 years old. When at thirteen I started smoking rock. It ate away at my gums. One of my teeth is all cracked and broken cause of drugs and every one knows who I am. I'm just lonely with no friends my parents don’t even really have a conversation with me cause they don't like to look at me all tweaked out. Butthats is who I am. Crystal is I and I am crystal.
I can still remember that first nasty smell. Like something sweet in a nasty way. I just took a couple hits when it came around. I didn't sleep for about a month or so. I started feeling light headed and I was so weak because I never drank water not even 1 glass. For days on end, I was so dehydrated. I got up from the couch to fast and I went to talk to my brother in the kitchen and my eyes went to the back of my head and I fell on the floor and hit my head on the stove. My friend help me into the room and I laid down and about just 10 minutes later I woke up. He gave me milk, which I didn't drink.
When I went to school, I would hate it. Every one was calling me crystal meth head and tweeker. Inside it made me feel so hurt, but I never showed it. My friends called me that too - but just playing around. I act like it is funny and just go along with it. I lost a lot of friends because of my meth use. I always had a mom telling me to get out of their house and their kids couldn't talk to me.
Now I am 14 and I still use every day. I just smoked a bowl. Now I just sit in my room all day. I have no friends. Half my family acts like they don't now me. They see me at the store or walking and they don't even say hi. My cousins can't stay the night or talk to me cause I am the bad one in the family. I still can't spend time with my mom because I think her and my sister talk about the call and sometime me me slow or say "she's stupid, don't ask her to do any thing". Well I've tried acid, heroin, rock, and a lot of stuff and still if it comes around I'll do it. I can't stop it. Crystal and other drugs make me forget about all the stuff that’s happened in my life. I've gone to boot camp. I always have counseling and they always bring up "DO YOU EVER GET HURT CAUSE YOU MOM LEFT YOU AND TOOK THE REST." I just go to my room and pack a bowl smoke away. Just holding the pipe makes me forget, and I sit in my room blowing out clouds and I wish I was never left out of my family.
My name is Crystal and that doesn’t make me feel any better; but I love to smoke it because it makes me happy. Or at least I think it does! I do wish I had never stared, but so does everyone else. If you are reading this, please realize that every one in life who seems to be happy doing drugs, is really just killing them and wasting their life. I hope you care - because I don't, at least not right now because I am a tweaker, and all I want is my glass pipe. Crystal.
Been there, done that - It is not worth it!
I started doing crystal meth when I was 15 years old. I moved to Vegas with my dad and step mom after messing up a little bit in Colorado. So there I was in Vegas starting a new life at a new school with new friends. When a kid in my computer class offered me meth, which he said, was just like cocaine. Believe me its not. So I started out slow and than I got pretty heavy into it. My weight was up and down ranging from 95 pounds to 110. It was disgusting. Finally my Dad caught me and I still continued to do it. Well when I was 16 still doing it but convincing my parents I wasn't. I got caught again during the summer and I was scared so I ran away on a week day night. Just walked out the front door with on luggage bag in my hand, no money and no one to care about what really happens to me.
By now I was staying up for 5-6 days at a time doing lines after lines. I was so tweaked out I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. I ran away with my boyfriend whom by the way was 27 and gave me free drugs all the time. I really started to love him. Until he began to hit me every once in a while. I thought had grown out of it. Until after a year of little hits or punches to the faces on my 17th birthday he never came home. I waited for him all day in our little apartment. I cleaned it all the time we had lines laid out on the coffee table all the time. Finally I fell asleep that night because I was so tweaked out and all I could think was that the cops were after me. He came home at like 3:30 am after making deals and just full on throttle kicked me in my ribs. He broke two of them on my left side. Punched me in the eye busted my lip and chocked me out against the wall because he thought I'd ratted him out to the police because he was just as paranoid as I was all the time. I couldn't breathe. I hadn't slept in so long so it took a while for me to process what was going on. It was the worst night of my life and I will never forget the look on his face. The anger and rage he had towards me for nothing.
That's when I realized I needed to finally sober up and see my parents for the first time in two years after them not knowing where I was at all. No contact no nothing. I hid from them well. I took a bus ride out to Colorado 2 days after my beating and told Tommy I'd be back. But I never returned there and after 5 months of being sober I'm finally in a safe place. I have a job and all it took was for me to convince my self I don't need it to get by. Please stop using while you can now. Get out of it. It's not worth it. To loose everything you have for a few hours of feeling high. I was at my lowest of 85 pounds returning to Colorado and I am now 110 and healthier than ever. Don't ever think you can control it its all mind over matter so if you feel your addicted just tell your self you don’t need it. Listen to those who really care about you not the ones who are doing drugs with you because its not them talking its the drugs. Think about it and don't be stupid. It’s never to late to stop. Just listen. Take from someone who’s been through a lot of shit. Seen a lot of shit and got the shit beaten out of them for what? Nicole, Littleton, Colorado, USA.
Am I really addicted.... oh yeah
I'm 15 I've been using for over a year, but dropped heavy about 5 months ago. With in those 5 months, I've lost 25-30 pounds. When I don't have it, I spend all my time looking for it, and I get really mad, really easy. I just start breaking stuff and screaming. My problem is that I love it. It's the only thing that really matters to me. The thing I seem to do the most is explain myself. Missing money, everyone notices you don't sleep or eat, light bulbs are always missing, cars at the end of the driveway, pupils the size of plates. The only thing that matters right now is that I have a safe little spot to tweak and a box of crayons maybe a puzzle. My biggest concern is what if something happens to my dealer, but I still think tweaking is worth it all. I'm in love with my dope. Stefanie, Texas.
I know a Girl
Hey there. My name is Grunge, I'm 16. A year ago I got involved with a girl who wanted to loose some extra lbs. She decided to go the drug route and was introduced to Crystal Meth. She didn't want to do it alone. So she asked a friend of hers who she knew was into the whole "druggie scene" to do it with her. She said yes. So the two started using on a regular basis, and a few months later the girl let the drug get the best of her. She ratted out her friend, and she was sent to a mental hospital. Now this girl's friend was left alone, angry and confused. (Her friend's breakdown had caused her to get arrested three times, kicked out of school, and thrown out of both of her parent's homes.) She turned to the only person she could think of who cared about her current situation, her drug dealer.
To make an EXTREMELY long story short, the girl's drug dealer is now her boyfriend and for the past year she has been living a complete lie. She keeps trying and trying to give up the drug, but it has spun its web around her. Now, more than ever she is serious about quitting, but she just needs a little help to stay in line. That girl is me. I need a little help. Please. Grunge Spun Junkie, Lake Tahoe, Cali, USA.
Just to Lose Weight
Hi, I'm 16 yrs old, and I started to tweak when I was 13 yrs old - but I am not addicted to it. I also do it just to loose weight! I am really insecure with my body, so I got to look good, so I tweak my way to it. I don't have health problems, even though I've been do it for three years. It's not hurting me, or my family and I also don't do it every day.
I only do it when I have to, and when I'm really; really angry to the point I just want to beat the shit out of somebody. I don't really crave it or anything. I just do it FOR FUN! Still Sassy in Montebello.
16 and on Meth
My name is Roxanne and I first tried meth when I was fourteen. I started doing lines with my 20-year-old boyfriend. He didn't want to do it any more, so I promised him that I would quit with him. So he quit and I started doing it with my mom, sister, and brother. My mom was a dealer and my dad was in rehab. So my mom always had shit. My mom had three other children living in our house. I was still going out with my boyfriend. I was hiding it from him still. Lines weren't doing anything to me any more so I started smoking it and doing hot rails. About six months after doing that I started shooting up. It was a sudden rush. Our house was very nasty. There was never any food. Our well broke so there was no water. The three kids were living in misery. We didn't even care. My boyfriend knew something was going on. But I kept on lying to him. I had no meat on me. I looked like a walking ghost. My mom decided that she didn't want her kids anymore. So C.P.S took us all away. I was in foster care for 9 months. I still had ways to get my shit through foster care. My dad got all of us back from C.P.S and we have been doing pretty well. My mom is still doing it. My teenager years weren't the way I wanted them to be. This drug is Satan. It puts your life through hell. Please don't do this awful drug. Roxanne McCray, Tucson, AZ.
My Addiction Pattern
My addiction pattern started with drinking then led to drugs of all sorts’ uppers and downers. When I was using I preferred uppers though. Then I found Crystal Meth. Which at first I thought I had found my best friend. I used Crystal Meth for 5-6 months straight and I remember looking at this website when I was all fricked up all the time. I read the stories and looked at the pictures and I cried, because I never thought I would be normal again. But I finally hit my low and went to Detox and Day Treatment at Addiction Services and I am regularly attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I have been involving myself in NA and have a sponsor! I changed my playmates, play places and playthings. I have found a lot of new clean and sober friends in the NA fellowship. My life has done a total and unbelievable turn around. I have been clean for 40 days today and haven't had any desire to go back to the chaos and insanity of my life on drugs. Even when you think that you can never be the way you were before the drugs know that there is help and hope out there. I have never been so grateful and truly happy. It isn't easy but it is very worth it. Take it one day at a time. Gina, Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada.
Wow! I've read every letter on Here.
Y'all got some touching words. You learn a lot from other people. Now it's time for y'all to try and learn by mine. I had a confusing childhood. My mother committed suicide when I was 5. I had 2 sisters and 1 brother. My father had another girlfriend while they were married, so after she died, he wanted to start his new life with her. But we were a burden so he put us kids in temporary foster care and I never saw my brother again. But I was lucky enough to have my sisters. I can remember walking in on one of my sisters shooting up heroin. My sister was a very depressed person, she wanted to die. She had nothing to live for, except me and my other sister. I was her sunlight though. She looked after me like I was her daughter. When I was 7 we moved back in with my father, his new wife, and her children.
My step mom was then pregnant. When I was 9 my sister went on a rampage and ran away. We found her 3 days later; she had been killed and was laying in a parking lot. An autopsy showed that she had heroin, meth, and LSD (acid) in her system. From then on, we were in and out of our home, and foster care.
I am now 14. The first time I tried meth was when I had ran away almost 2 years ago. I stopped using because my parents placed me in detox and rehab for 30 days. For the next 4 months I just smoked weed. But November came around, and my best friend was dating a guy who sold meth. She said she wanted to try it, and asked me to do it again with her. I agreed, (I never should have). Then for a little bit we used it on weekends or whenever, but after a month it turned into an everyday thing. I found out my living sister was doing meth and had shot up heroin a few times. Thinking of my past, I got very depressed and my best friend and I started using everyday together. I didn't go to school, so I slept while she was in school, and when she got home we would smoke some meth, and more meth, and more. That's all we did. I did a great job with hiding it from my parents.
Right before Christmas was here, my friend's sister was coming to town. She's 16 and she wanted to try some, so we let her. We were used to smoking 20-30 bowls in a day, easily. We weren't thinking that she shouldn't have that much. The next day she started hallucinating. She ran into the living room crying and saying help me. She told us that the room burst into flames and she saw the devil. We thought it was hilarious, until a little while later, she came and got us and showed us that she cut all the computer cords. She said it was because they were all catching on fire. Then she tried to tell us that she saw bombs, and little pink wires all over the house, and at any moment they would go off. I was annoyed so I had my now ex boyfriend come to get me. Twenty minutes. Later my friend called me and begged me to come back so I had my ex take me there. When I walked in, I saw my friend in tears in the kitchen, and her sister was sitting on the table with no pants on. I began to cuss her out, and I told her to show me where she saw the bombs, but she said she couldn't walk on the ground barefoot because it would burn her feet. She proceeded to freak out, and then she broke 4 of her grandma's VERY expensive vases. I didn't want to be a part of that so I left again.
Later on that night I came back, and my best friend and me smoked again. Well we smoked nonstop until New Years. At that point my parents wanted to drug test me. I lied to them and told them I was clean. My parents are Mormon, so they don't use drugs or drink. When our doctor told my parents that I had enough methamphetamine in my system to keep a grown ass man strung out for a year, they got mad. I got the beating of my life and my dad told me he hated me. It really hurt because he's always called me daddy's little girl. My family turned their backs on me, but my sister didn't. She is 20. She was talking to me about my problem, and hers also. We smoked together that night. After that I was clean for about a week, and she was clean for only a day. I hadn't been able to hang out with my best friend for almost 3 weeks but just the other day, I was in a situation where one of my sister's old dealers was hanging out with us. He pulled out his pizzle as we call it (glass pipe) and he asked if we wanted some. My sister accepted, and so did I.
Five years ago today, my sister died from drugs. In two days, my mom will have been dead for 9 years. I am almost graduated from high school. My parents trusted me again and it felt great. But I started back up, and I can't lose everything that I'm doing. I'm going to be attending college in 2 months, so being 14 and getting that far, I've worked really hard. But I can't stop again. I keep smoking and smoking, and when I'm in the house, I snort in my bedroom. It's sad to look at people like me and realize that we are the youth of America.
When we are the adults in this world, look what our children will look up to. There have been many occasions where I have gotten a call from my sister's husband (who, might I add, got her addicted to drugs, and abuses her) and he tells me that she's in the hospital from overdosing. I am so confused. I never had a stable mom to give me advice. My father won't give us advice on life, and he wasn't there for almost 4 years of my life. I think that I have nothing or nobody to quit for. But sometimes, when I'm in one of those moods, I think about all that God has given me and I break down and cry because so many people have so much less than I do. I shouldn't take advantage of it. Every time my phone rings, and I see my sister's husband's number, my heart stops. I'm afraid he's going to tell me she's dead one of these times. I was born with heart problems, and doctors have told me that if I didn't stop using drugs, I could very easily die. I feel so awful because my best friend is now injecting meth. She smoked herself silly too. She called me one day and told me she didn't know where she was, didn't know who she was with, and she didn't remember her name.
I was sober for a day about a week ago and I wanted some meth so bad, that I was about to pawn my real mother's wedding ring. I didn’t, but I began to shake and have convulsions. It was so very scary. My stepmother always tells me that I don't realize how bad meth is. I have an uncle who we call Pirate, who has been using meth for about 30 years. He's lived on the streets and all that. He told me that meth is the worst drug out there and he doesn't want to see me doing it. But for some reason, even with all these people telling me to stop (there are others besides them) I know I should, I want to, but I can't. I guess it's because I think that nothing TOO bad can happen to me as long as I am careful. I like the way meth makes me feel. I don't have anything important going on right now, but I've been constantly doing this drug for a year or so and I can’t stop. If anybody out there has any advice, you have no idea how thankful I would be for it. I don't have very many people that I can get good advice from so if anyone out there knows remotely how I feel, or wants to help me, please do. It won't mean much to you but it would mean the world for me. Thanks y'all for reading this long ass thing and y'all have a good day, and God bless... Mandau, Vegas, Nevada, USA.
When I am 40...
Hi my name is Melissa and I have been smoking dope since I was 14. I started smoking dope when my best friend Megan said want to have some fun and of course I had to say yes. Ever since then I have been doing dope. Everyday I am right back smoking dope telling myself that one bowl wont hurt, but I go through at least a half (gram) a day by myself. The worst part about it is that my boyfriend cooks it and I can get anything I want. After about a year of smoking it, I realized what was happening to me when I sobered up. I was constantly yelling at my Mom when I was home. I was stealing anything worth money. I dropped 49 pounds in three months and I slept about a total of a month within 9 months.
I am trying to stop now. I got sick of all the drama and always looking out the windows thinking someone’s coming for me or that someone's watching me 24-7 even in a room where there is no possible way for anyone to be watching me. My friends just called it "Geeked the fuck out" but now I realize how much stuff I have sold for dope, and how many good friends I have lost.
I dropped out of school because I was so paranoid, thinking everyone was watching me and that the cops were coming for me. At one point I had about 6 grams on me and I had to flip it, which means pretty much double my price by ripping people off. So I did and I had a sawed off shot gun for my dope man and about 2 grams left to smoke and about 700 dollars.
We were riding down the road and it was about 4 in the morning and we got pulled over for not stopping at a stop sign.
So my friend and me jumped out and started running. I made it to my Mother's house about 3 hours later and my friend got arrested and charged for a controlled substance, resisting arrest, and possession of an unregistered weapon. He never told who was with him (me), and he is now spending 4 years in jail, because I talked him in to slanging some dope and being up all the time.
I quit giving a shit about what I looked like after a while. I was always biting my nails and I never used to do that. I am always looking behind me and out windows and it’s hard to realize what is happening to you. Most people who smoke dope are probably still at the point where they think it's okay, but when you sober up and realize what you have and are taking for granted it's a harsh reality.
I was sleeping with every cute guy I saw no matter what his age. I was always concentrating on sex and more dope. For all the young people reading this, take my advice and quit while you have the chance. I still am trying to quit. I won't lie. I do it occasionally, but I am in rehab and trying my best to stop for good. It ruined so many good things in my life and when I am 40, I want to have memories of when I was younger, other than holding a tube in one hand a blow torch in the other. Melissa D, Floral city, Florida, United States.
I will be a Lawyer some day!
My name is Megan. I am 15 years old. I lived with meth for 3 and a half years. My Dad just got busted for cooking meth about a month ago. I knew what was going on, but I didn't want my Dad to get into trouble, so I never said anything to anyone. I didn't even let my best friends come over, because I was so embarrassed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think this is my Dad's fourth time in prison, third time for meth. The thing that I really hate is that now everyone thinks that because my dad cooked meth (never on our property) that he is a bad parent. That is so far from the truth. It kills me to walk down the halls at school and hear the whispers) "isn't that that one guys daughter", "didn't her Dad get busted for meth", "look. She must do it too". My Dad was always a good parent and though he made his mistakes, I still love him with all of my heart. I really miss my Dad, and now I have to live with my grandparents because my Mom is living here on house arrest. She just got out of county jail two days ago for maintaining a common nuisance... and the sad thing is, my parents aren't even together. I've had a rough childhood, but I've come out on top despite everything. I have dreams and goals; I want to be a lawyer someday. Maybe I can get my Dad out of prison! Megan, Angola, Indiana, USA.
